Jardinains! Official Home Page

The Jardinains! CD and Level Pack--Available Now!

Click Here To Order!

150 Levels of Fun For Only $14.99!

That's right, your favorite gnome-bouncing game is now available on CD! Show your support for free software and help me make more great games by buying this CD. Buy this CD, now! Consume! The future of Jardinains!--nay, the very solvency of the global economy depends on you and your continued consumption, gentle citizen! Only by buying the Jardinains CD right now can you prevent the collapse of civilization as we know it!

Of course, it's not just about saving the planet. Buy the Jardinains! CD and you'll get an extra 100 levels of gnome bouncing, brick breaking madness. That's three times as many levels as the original for an infinitely higher price! What a deal!

The Jardinains! CD costs $14.99 and is available online at the Jardinains! store. Got a family birthday coming up? Don't know what to get that cousin you haven't seen in two years? Is grandma getting tired of Windows Solitaire? Is your loved one already engaged in an unhealthy pattern of gnome bouncing, maniacal laughter, and flailing appendages? Want to give something a bit cooler than the usual tchotchkes this holiday season? Give them Jardinains on CD! Sure, you could buy them Super Action Adventure Movie Tie-In Video Game of the Week 2, but as the chart below demonstrates, you're better off getting them Jardinains! instead:

Super Action Adventure Movie Tie-In Video Game of the Week 2Jardinains!
$50, plus $15 per month subscription fee$14.99
Professionally printed CD comes in a CD jewelcase with a spiffy-looking coverProfessionally printed CD comes in a CD jewelcase with a spiffy-looking cover
Might be fun, might be dull; who knows?Get it for free first!
Your money helps support a massive, soulless corporate income machineYour money helps support an independent game developer full of moxie and panache
You feel no particular physical sensation when purchasing this game, save perhaps sticker shockYou feel warm and fuzzy all over when you buy this game--something like what puppies must feel when they dream about sunshine
You get the sneaking suspicion that this game is going to start gathering dust before the month is outYou get the sneaking suspicion that you're going stay up past your bedtime for a long, long time
The company that made this game probably engages in questionable business practices, such as tax evasion or treating it's employees like dirt*I am a decent, honest, wholesome young lad* who wouldn't hurt a fly and who regularly rescues small animals from trees**

* May not actually be true
** I scared a bird once while climbing a tree

I rest my case. Buy Jardinains!--you won't regret it!

Now, if you're a few bucks short of $14.99, you can still get your hands on the bonus 100 levels by sending a donation of $7.50 or more. You can send a donation with your credit card through PayPal or by mailing a check with your e-mail address included. Finally, if you're one of the cash-strapped millions out of work, in graduate school, feeding seven mouths, saving for world domination, or just facing general hardship, there's still hope. Explain, in at least 250 words, why I should send you a free copy of the Jardinains! Level Pack, and if your essay passes my rigorous screening process, I'll fulfill your request--simple as that! (Essays must be original works. You may submit essays in your native language. Creativity and originality are encouraged. Copying and pasting the same message over and over until you have 250 words is neither creative nor original; you won't get an essay for it and I'll be forced to keep you after class. E-mail essays to gimme@jardinains.com)

There's one more way you can get the Jardinains! bonus levels, and that's by digging through your favorite P2P network or warez site until you find it. I'm not about to keep you from doing this, but bear in mind that doing so makes you a total and utter schmuck who can't even be bothered to write 250 measly little words, much less take the garbage out like your parent/guardian/significant other asked you to do over two hours ago. Seriously--if you're gonna just grab it this way, so be it, but at least consider doing the right thing, eh?

What You DoWhat It CostsWhat You Get
Buy The Jardinains! CD$14.99Jardinains! on a professional-quality CD with full-color quick-help booklet and 100 bonus levels
Make A Donation$7.50A thank-you note and 100 bonus levels by way of e-mail
Write An Essay250 wordsA thank-you note and 100 bonus levels by way of e-mail
Pirate It Off The InternetNothing but time100 bonus levels and a heaping portion of soul rending shame

So, there you have it. CD, donation, essay, diabolical piracy--whatever works for you, get to it!

Click Here To Order!